SSD speeds tank, BSODs, Bluetooth breaks

The March 2023 update discovered a creative new way to slow down your PC: cripple your SSD. NVMe drives that should read at 7000 MB/s were reduced to around 1000 MB/s when copying files over SMB. Microsoft managed to make cutting-edge storage hardware perform like it was from 2015. As a bonus, the update also delivered Blue Screens of Death, broken Bluetooth connectivity, and install failures with a variety of error codes. Third-party tools like Start11 and ExplorerPatcher were also broken, because why stop at first-party damage?