Windows forgets how to turn off, laptops cook in bags

January’s Patch Tuesday broke the most fundamental computer operation: turning it off. Systems with Secure Launch (System Guard) enabled would restart instead of shutting down. Hibernation and sleep were equally broken. On laptops, closing the lid did nothing — devices stayed fully active inside bags and sleeves, draining batteries and risking thermal damage. Intel Meteor Lake and Arrow Lake systems were particularly afflicted. Remote Desktop authentication also failed. Microsoft needed two emergency out-of-band patches (KB5077797 and KB5078132), neither of which fully fixed the issue, before February’s Patch Tuesday finally resolved it. Three patches to fix shutdown.